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[19 Mar 2006|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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music |
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none |
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AHHHWE'REHANGINGOUTFRIDAYAHHHH
I'M SO HAPPY.
:DDDD
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[18 Mar 2006|07:27pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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One Man's Dream (live) - Yanni |
] |
Dear God,
I'm so fucking lonely. Waves of it hit me, and then I don't know what to do. Please help me. I miss him so much. But I can't make decisions when I'm like this. I can't. i can't. please help me through this. i hurt so badly.
love,
emily
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| you've twenty seconds to arrive... |
[18 Mar 2006|02:40pm] |
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mood |
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 good |
] |
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music |
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Let Go - Frou Frou |
] |
Mike's coming over today. He should be here any time.
Yay. :D
eta ;; (6:27pm)
Well, turns out he had a whole bunch of chores to do today, so we're gonna hang out sometime tomorrow evening and see what Brad and Jenny are doing. Woot. :)
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| such an awful tearing sound... |
[16 Mar 2006|09:47pm] |
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mood |
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 angry |
] |
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music |
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This Bitter Pill - Dashboard Confessional |
] |
Ugh.
Flipping English teacher lost all my research.
Pisses me off. Now I have to refind everything.
Grrrrr.
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| why am i so misunderstood? |
[15 Mar 2006|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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crying |
] |
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music |
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Tell Me Something Good - The Rocket Summer |
] |
Alex has a interest in another girl.
Jealousy is like stabbing the knife, twisting, and stabbing again.
Now I know what he's going through because of Sean. I really don't have a huge interest in Sean, though. He was someone to divert my attention from Alex.
Oh my God.
At first I thought he was writing about me, but then I realized that it wasn't me, and I broke. Oh my God.
This isn't fair. things aren't supposed to happen like this.
what if he finds someone else and decides to spend the rest of his life with her? what if we never get back together? what if we're never together again?
maybe i'm just too attached.
but what about prom? i said i'd go with him. we said we'd go to his prom together. that's not going to happen now.
i always ran to him for comfort, but i can't now...i don't think he'd want me to.
i've forgotten what his voice sounds like.
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| i'm sorry, so sorry, i'm sorry they do this. |
[14 Mar 2006|03:53pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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They - Jem |
] |
It seems like so much shit has been going on in people's lives, especially Marissa. I wish she hadn't had to go back...I was so upset. I know that it's not like she died or anything, but I connect with her so well, especially when we're up at four in the morning watching Vanilla Sky. I miss her so much.
It was kinda strange, though...after me and Larry (her dad) saw her off at the airport, I got in the front seat and then reached into the back to get my stuff, and I saw her orange butterfly hair clip, and I wore it today, just because. I love her so much and I wish she went to school down here. I'm so proud of her for getting to IMSA, but I'd rather her be down here.
I just can't believe that all this has happened...it's so unfair to her and I just want to hold her and cry with her...I almost cried while talking to her today, but I couldn't because I was eating and I needed to be a support for her.
I really hope that things get better for her. She shouldn't have to suffer like this, you know?
Anyways.
Things with Brad haven't gotten any better. He's not talking to me, so I'm not talking to him. I guess I've just given up on him. He may be going back to who he was, but...I don't know. Even if he did apologize, I don't know if things could be fixed. What a mess.
And things with Alex are so confusing. He came over the other night and I cried and he held me and he asked me if we could get back together, but I'm determined to go through what's been begun, you know? We still talk, and we do still love each other, but we aren't together. We're friends. Right now it's a friend love. That's all.
Well, anyways, speaking of boys, Sean came to see me at work on Saturday before he left for Iceland for a year. He gave me a hug and said he'd send me something. So now it's time to play the waiting game. You know, I think that I have an interest in him primarily to divert my attention from Alex and secondarily because he's a really cool guy. I feel bad about that.
I've recently become obsessed with Moulin Rouge. It's so amazing. Kind of weird at first, but really good. And sad. And good. And I think it's so much better because there's no sex scene in it of Christian and Satine. You know it's there, but they don't make it that evident. So awesome. New layout coming soon.
And I'm so sick of my mom being a bitch about stuff like Marissa leaving a message on my phone late last night. BIG EFFING DEAL. AGH. It didn't affect her anyway.
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| too much Office Space |
[07 Mar 2006|08:22pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
] |
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music |
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Salt Water Sound - Zero 7 |
] |
Yeah, uh, hi...what's happening? Yeah, that'd be great...
XD
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| i love you, and you love me... |
[03 Mar 2006|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
] |
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music |
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Goodbye Waves and Driveways - The Rocket Summer |
] |
Oh, my God.
This hurts so bad.
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| in the name of love... |
[02 Mar 2006|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
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music |
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Elephant Love Medley - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack |
] |
Well, a lot's definitely happened lately that I need to write about.
Main thing: Alex and I are broken up right now. Please, please don't get the idea that we don't love each other anymore. We still do. It's just that he's going off to college soon and we don't want to be torn apart really fast, so we're slowly drifting apart in our romantic relationship. Our friendship is, and always will be, there. We'll probably get back together in the end, but what with us being in different parts of the state and not being able to get married (if that happens) until I'm done with college, which is in seven years because I'll be getting my master's, it's a good idea for us not to be tied down.
I actually saw my friend Sean Taylor today. He was in my etymology class last year and since he graduated, I really haven't seen much of him, but I saw him today. He comes to the library once a month or so. He's been in Texas (Air Force crap) so I haven't seen him for a while, but I saw him and talked to him (and flirted with him!). He's going off to Iceland for a year for military stuff. After I talked to him, he came up to me to say goodbye and he gave me a huge hug and didn't let go. I had to let go first. :P Then I gave him my address so he could send me a postcard. Fun stuff.
Took four exams today. I aced my French exam, got a 98 on my art exam, and a 92 on my English exam. I don't know yet what I got on my advanced chemistry exam yet. So yeah.
Definitely going to Amanda's Saturday afternoon so we can come up with costumes for Chapître Un of our video. :D
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| rain, rain, rain on my mind... |
[26 Feb 2006|10:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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crazy |
] |
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music |
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Choose the One Who Loves You Most - Copeland |
] |
DJ Yoshi says: I just need a woman and some vinyl and I'll be one happy man.
breathe in for luck;; says: XD
breathe in for luck;; says: you can buy both for a high price.
DJ Yoshi says: Rofl!
DJ Yoshi says: Emily! xDDDD
breathe in for luck;; says: XDXDXD
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| we feel like we could die... |
[24 Feb 2006|03:23pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
] |
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music |
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Mother We Just Can't Get Enough - New Radicals |
] |
You know, I really don't think I regret anything that I've said in the past twenty-four hours.
I'm fine. :) I really am. I'm okay right now.
Amanduh and I are getting together tomorrow to work on our French video. We had to pick new chapters because we're down to two people now. I wonder how he's going to do a one-man video.
Hanging out at home tonight. Kind of excited. I think I need some time to myself anyway. :D
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| we right back what is wrong and we move along... |
[20 Feb 2006|10:18am] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
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music |
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Move Along - The All-American Rejects |
] |
So Ayden and I had this huge fight and I was so mad because I accidentally closed out of it because I wanted to save it but Brad said that it was probably for the best so I wouldn't read it over and over again and dwell on it. Which is kind of nice.
But I'm wondering if he's really doing it for himself, or if it's just for us, or a mixture of both. :\
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[16 Feb 2006|10:28pm] |
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mood |
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guilty |
] |
what have i done?
-= goes off and stabs self in heart. =-
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[15 Feb 2006|06:54pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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pissed off |
] |
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music |
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Sun (Live) - Mae |
] |
Brad (Ayden) has really been pissing me off for the past couple days. It all kind of started when he started shoving the fact that he was having sex in my face a couple months ago. Yeah, I'm still not over that. He's giving me the impression that he thinks he's some kind of god or of some higher order because of his sex status. Yeah, so maybe I want to have sex, but I'm not going to because I feel a need to hold on to my morals. He just kind of dropped his. It was so sudden. At first I was okay with it, but then I felt like he was trying to push his beliefs onto me. He's been changing so much these past couple months. Yes, I know change is inevitable, but he's not even half the person I used to be best friends with. He's apathetic, dark, and arrogant. I know he was angry because of the whole French poster thing. Well, I'm not going to ask him to do anything if he hates doing homework. I know the French movie is gonna suck now, too. And he gives off this air in French class that he's so much better because he got moved up a year. BIG DEAL. I got moved up a year and I'm not arrogant about it. I try to be as humble as possible about French because I know people don't like me for it. So, basically, he's not the person I used to know, and I really don't want to be friends with who he is now. And he scares me.
Second thing. I was supposed to be going to the Aerosmith concert, but now I can't because the tickets were too expensive and Leah and Dad are going. Mom and Dad said that I can't miss more work, so, to appease them, I said I would go to work instead. Yeah. So not seeing one of the best bands ever.
And I went ahead and tried out for the play anyway even though my parents didn't want me to.
And I want my license.
And I hate it when I find out that someone thinks I'm annoying [but then that gives me the chance to try and be a better person].
And I love Kiersten Barron. And Marissa Fandel.
And my awesome boyfriend.
And my twin's birthday is today! Bon anniversaire, Brad Little! <3!
Yeah. So I think I'm done now.
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| you'll never scream so loud... |
[12 Feb 2006|05:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Hurricane--Something Corporate |
] |
My parents aren't letting me try out for the spring play. What a bunch of shit. How am I ever going to know what I can handle if I don't do it? What do they expect me to do--work until I go to college and do no extracurriculars except Scholastic Bowl?!
I've been planning on trying out since LAST YEAR. I'm so upset.
SASKGJHEAR;GJKHRRHKJREH;DRE;E;EWA;OT!
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| crimson and clover, over and over... |
[11 Feb 2006|06:54pm] |
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mood |
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 hyper |
] |
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music |
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A Praise Chorus - Jimmy Eat World |
] |
I totally recommend seeing End of the Spear. It's amazing.
And I just scheduled a visit for University of Illinois at Champaign/Urbana.
:D
And Jenelle's coming over! YAYAYAY.
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| you turn away... |
[07 Feb 2006|09:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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This Day and Age |
] |
So, there was this pair of jeans at PacSun that I should have gotten but didn't, and now I'm really regretting it. I hate it when that happens.
Ah, well.
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| i heard he is a gentleman.... |
[06 Feb 2006|09:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Grand Theft Autumn (Where is Your Boy) - Fall Out Boy |
] |
Scholastic Bowl is going to be so hard tomorrow.
And my stupid account expires in a week and I'm poor. Ugh.
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sakura_summer's journal
accomplished
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